I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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