Betty ford says i'm here all night
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
