I wish my penis had an off switch
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
