she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
