Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
