Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
