I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
