The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
