Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
