I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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