Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
