Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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