I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
