batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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