Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
