those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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