remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
