I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
