She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I had to cum in my sink.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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