JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
