spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
