guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
