just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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