Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
