Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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