had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize