I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
one might say we're banned from that church
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
