Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You dont lie about slip and slides
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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