whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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