Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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