i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
