Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
