it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
When did angry sex become our thing?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
