he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
