She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I fill condoms, not promises.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
