I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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