so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
cat food counts as protein by the way
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
