Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
