I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Terrible idea I love it
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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