her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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