I think I just saw someone hide a body.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
