I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
