no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
