Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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