I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
