We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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