I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
