I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We had sex on a dog bed..
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
