i think my mom watched the whole time
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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