No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
