my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
