The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
