wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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