Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
