they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
