I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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