I heard we made out
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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