Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
