someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
