Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
