Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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