I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
