I wish I could punch you in the face.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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