alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
