You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
