This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
