What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
